Mentally Shrill #001: Do crying babies deserve rights?

I just want to tell you that some people have war in their countries...

What’s up sluts! Your favorite broken brain henny is here and ready to answer all of your burning questions. In this issue, we’ll tackle blackheads, babies, and my personal favorite subject: reality television. So without further ado…

[Shania Twain voice] Let’s go, girls. 🤠

I have blackheads that have popped up on my face within the past year, what would you recommend doing to get rid of them and what are 4 skincare products you can't live without? Better if they r sold at Target so I can steal them, it's very hard to steal from sephora.

For legal purposes, I’d like to clarify a few things: I do not condone stealing. I love corporations! And capitalism! In fact, I think all Americans should pull themselves up by the straps of their Crocs, scrape together the last few dollars they have left after paying taxes, and always pay the full asking price for all goods and services, especially at locally-owned small businesses such as Target and Sephora :).

Now that the feds have stopped reading let’s move on.

Blackheads are the worst! As an amateur skinologist, I don’t know much about why blackheads decide to pop up other than excess oil/dead skin.

That being said, I love a Target skincare moment. They kinda snapped a little if we’re keeping it 💯! Here are a few products they carry that might help:

  1. SheaMoisture African Black Soap Clarifying Mud Mask (#BlackOwned teas) - $2.49

  2. Starface Lift Off Pore Strips - $5.99

  3. Starface Exfoliating Night Water Toner - $11.99 (If you have sensitive skin, you might want to start slowly with this one.)

  4. Differin Adapalene Gel 0.1% Acne Treatment - $12.99

  5. Urban Skin Rx Acne and Blemish Control Mask - $18.99

  6. La Roche Posay Effaclar Duo Dual Action Acne Treatment - $29.99

As for the rest of your question, if I’ve learned one thing from Kris Jenner it’s to always get a bag, so I’ll be answering that portion in the paid version of this newsletter.

Go forth with your Target venture, comrade. Happy “spending!” 😉😉

Do you have any tips on getting a 6-month-old baby to adjust to daycare? He got sent home because he cried and farted so much. Not my fault it's a pandemic and he's met like two other people. Sorry he doesn't subscribe to patriarchal views about passing gas in public

Well, first of all, I didn’t even know babies could get kicked out of daycare, so I have to hand it to this mischievous legend as this is quite the feat.

Second of all, what do the people who run this hovel of a daycare think babies do all day if not cry and/or fart? Isn’t 6 months when babies start teething? Babies can’t have gas anymore? Your son is being silenced the way Conservatives kicked off of Twitter think they’re being silenced, and I think you should sue. For what? I’m not sure. But I mean, damn… can he live?

I need to know more about this daycare. What are their other rules? Are the babies allowed to drool? Sleep? Do other baby activities? Where exactly do these “childcare professionals” draw the line? I highly doubt your baby broke some crying record, especially considering the year we’ve all had. TBH I probably cried more watching My Octopus Teacher than he cried during his entire daycare run. Please 🙄. Who runs that place needs to grow up and go work in a library or something.

The only real advice I can offer here is: have you asked him about any of this? Maybe he didn’t like the energy of that specific daycare. (I certainly don’t.) Maybe he really missed you. Maybe he’s a baby genius who secretly reads the news when you aren’t looking and was just upset about the state of the world. Have you done his chart? Maybe his moon is in Pisces or Cancer or something. Regardless, he’s a baby minding his baby business, and I have decided to stan.

Also, about 6 months after I adopted Astro, I got a job, but up until then, I had never left him home alone outside running errands. I figured out how to loop The Devil Wears Prada on my DVD player for him to watch while I was gone and it worked perfectly fine. Maybe you could try that instead of daycare?

What do i do if i have a friend who thinks reality tv isn’t “for her?” Is it just a diff of opinion or does that point to something deeper? Idk my therapist wouldn’t answer this.

Honestly not sure who’s worse: your friend or your therapist. Don’t they take oaths about “doing no harm” or something? Because your therapist is definitely harming us.

Sure, some might argue that reality TV is “not for everyone,” but those people are wrong. And even if they're right for some delusional reason, what has COVID-19 taught us if not to embrace new things we previously thought weren’t for us? Anyway, show your friend the following clips. If they don’t spark joy, buy her some puzzles or something because she’s definitely a lost cause.

Well, gang, that’s all I’ve got for now! I’d love to stay and chat, but I have to figure out how to answer a question so harrowing even my messiest friends were shocked by it. Want your question answered next? Email or fill out this form if you’ve done something that’s absolutely shameful.

I leave you all with this photo of Larry King, a trailblazing pioneer, and king of the #ItsMy2Cents hashtag.

May he rest in peace and receive an answer to every question he had ♥️


This week’s paid newsletter is gearing up to be more chaotic than the entirety of my early 20s. Could I be lying as a money grab? Sure. But why risk it? Subscribe now: