Mentally Shrill #003: Do you have some sort of business woman special?

To slave, or not to slave, that is the question.

[YouTuber voice] Hey guys, welcome back to my channel! A lot of you guys have been asking me questions that I’m ill-equipped to answer, so…..let’s get right into it! Don’t forget to like, comment, and subscribe! 🤪🤪🤪

Today, we’re going to discuss things I know a lot about: hating your miserable ass job but having bills to pay, getting rejected by every corporate job known to man, and one of my favorite topics: what happens when our octopus overlords finally rise and take over. LFGGGGGGGG 📘🦋🧚‍♂️🐍✨🥂💊🍓🌸

I've just been called back to work after a long furlough and had to take a force transfer... I've been assured both that it's temporary and also that I'm stuck there?? The job is miserable and I have to convince myself to go, but it's health insurance... How do quit this job and keep my bills paid?

I’m sorry, but what in tarnation does “temporary and also that I’m stuck there” mean? Is that even legal? Doesn’t sound legal. In fact, it’s giving slavery. Hate that for you!

I don’t think anyone should stay at a job where they’re miserable/have to force themselves to go to, regardless of how chic the concept of having health insurance is. We all have bills to pay, but you sound like you’re in critical condition, which means things will only get worse!

You really have to think long and hard about what’s making you miserable and go from there. Is your coworker just annoying and always talking to you about Game of Thrones/some other nerd shit, or is your boss a raging alcoholic that uses you as a punching bag? Or both? (If it is both, please quit your job and reach out to me so I can buy you a bottle of wine ASAP.)

On one hand, all jobs are miserable, and if you have bills to pay, you could try to suck it up. On the other hand, do you really want to be extra miserable on top of *gestures* all of this? No! And I don’t want that for you either!

Keep your chin up; things will get better! Maybe if you’re lucky, a sprinkler will fall on your desk like this queen:

Was she convicted of fraud? Yes! But that doesn’t mean you will be! Plus, she saw her chance, and she took it. I think we can all learn something from her. A queen, methinks!

I keep getting rejected from corporate jobs and feel like shit. Any advice on not taking things so personal? 

Babe, level with me here. It’s 2021, and we’re in the middle of a global pandemic. Only like 347 people have corporate jobs, and not a single one of them seems to be enjoying themselves.

TBH? Ditch the idea of having a “corporate” job and let yourself have a little fun. Work at a restaurant. Get overly attached to one of the busboys. Start an inappropriate sexting relationship with him. Show a little tiddy (do not show your face ). Loosen up!

This doesn’t mean much of anything, but at least you’re getting rejection emails. (We love a little closure!) One time a woman ghosted me about a job but later added me to her company’s mailing list. I would have 100% preferred a flat out rejection. (Lady, if you read this, please know you are not seeing even a glimpse of Heaven.)

Think of it this way- do you know anyone with a corporate job who’s happy about it? No! I haven’t had a corporate job in years, and I’m………………well I’m here, aren’t I 🙂?

You’ll eventually get a job, so don’t beat yourself up about it!

Looking for advice for our eventual AI/extraterrestrial overlords: what five modern cultural artifacts (obviously tweets/TikToks count) would you show them to give an impression of 2021 pop culture?

FINALLY, WE GET TO HAVE SOME FUN. As a devout believer in octopuses and their ability to take over whenever they see fit, I think about this often. Here’s my current list:

  1. SOPHIE - It’s Okay To Cry

  2. The Flower Bouquet LEGO set being put on StockX for double the original price:

  3. Blake Lively’s nose job. (Not from 2021, but a timeless classic that paved the way for white women/Instagram faces everywhere and should be taught in history classes nonetheless.)

  4. This NPR article about that stupid ass 22-year-old in Philadelphia who somehow convinced people that he could properly distribute vaccines.

  5. These two tweets:

    Well, girls, that’s all I have for now. I’d love to stay and chat, but I have to prepare for a long day of guilting white people into paying for this newsletter tomorrow in honor of Black History Month. Ciao!