What’s up, nerds? In this issue, we tackle wedding dresses, lesbian roommates, and why it’s okay to drop out of college.

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Subject: wedding dress
Dear Alexis,
is a white wedding dress worth it?
Sincerely, bride to be

Dear bride to be,

I am so single that I cannot even afford to think about the concept of a “wedding dress,” so I truly cannot tell you. What I can tell you is that if you like the dress, you should wear the dress! Unless it’s ugly, there’s no reason for you to base your decision on any rules. When it comes to your wedding day (or any major event), these are the only things you need to keep in mind:

💗 Alexis

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Subject: Roommate Romance?
Dear Alexis,
Last year, I reached out to an online ad for a roomie and found the perfect one. She’s great, and has the same ideas about keeping house as me(don’t be nasty, if you find a good tv share with the class etc). We’re both lesbians and over the past couple of months we’ve been getting closer, hanging out more alone, even falling asleep together sometimes. This isn’t like an oblivious thing, I’m hot and she’s hot and the feelings are clearly there. The thing is, we live together and as good as it is now, I know nothing is guaranteed and things can take a turn. But also, we’re both mature and can handle heartbreak. I guess my question is: should I go for it or keep living in the season 1 will they or won’t they nightmare.
Sincerely, Loren

Loren! Finally, some real romance in the joint. But let’s get to it. We have no time to waste. Here are the top 5 reasons you should boink your roommate:

You’re both respectful and clean 🛁.
You share TV shows. (Real love 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩.)
You’ve been getting closer ➡️⬅️.
You’re both hot 🥵.
You’re both hot lesbians 🔥👯‍♀️.

I think we all know what needs to be done! They say you should never look a gift horse in the mouth, and I say you should never miss a chance to get your back blown out 🤷🏾‍♀️.

Sure, nothing is guaranteed, but your odds here are better as there are no men involved. Just do it! You already said that you’re hot and that she’s hot. What are you waiting for? Go for it! After all, who are you to rob someone of the opportunity of recreating this:

💗Alexis

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Subject: COLLEGE?????????!
Dear Alexis,
Do I drop out of college?!
I have literally been attempting to get a basic BA (because I have always been told it would open more doors for me) since 2014. It is so hard for me. I have withdrawn from three semesters, taken a year off, gotten tested for ADHD and ADD, etc. I do not know what is going on. I just have THE hardest time with school! I think I’m smart enough, High School was pretty easy for me, but I just cannot seem to pass my freaking classes. I even switched majors to the easiest thing I could find! I studied for 20 hours and think I failed my last final today.
Should I just drop out?
Should I stick with it?
I have always been told that graduating would open more doors for me and would be easier for me to be successful.
What do I do Alexis?!?!? Please help me!!!!
Sincerely, I’m a dumbass

You’re not a dumbass because you don’t want to finish college. If anything, the bitch sitting on about $40k in student loans only to end up tweeting for a living (me) is the dumbass. Cher didn’t go to college. Would you call Cher a dumbass? Because you shouldn’t!

It sounds like college isn’t your thing, and that’s okay! Plenty of people don’t finish or even go to college, and I’m sure they all sleep extremely well at night knowing they won't have student debt looming over them for the rest of their lives. (Love that for them, TBH 🙃!)

Look, some people will tell you that having a degree is important, and they’re probably right when it comes to dentists, doctors, and lawyers. But the rest of us? I’m willing to bet that the rest of us would have turned out just fine if we skipped those four years of being harassed by on-campus security, paying $7 to print something, dodging rush week, and binge drinking. College is great for socializing and making friends, yes, but you can also just do that on Twitter like a normal person.

It’s 2021! Everything you need to learn you can learn on YouTube, TikTok, or Reddit. If you want to drop out, drop out! What’s anyone gonna do, be mad that you’re not interested in contributing to the nation’s student loan debt?

TLDR: some people will tell you that college is necessary, and I personally believe that those people are all Navient employees, if not just straight-up nerds.

Claire Danes didn’t finish college, and she’s in this cinematic masterpiece:

💗 Alexis

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Alright, team. Great hustle. As usual, feel free to ask me a question here or send me an email.

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